It's OK to Want More

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This morning, a post from Kate Northrup landed in my inbox, and she was writing about how desire and gratitude are not mutually exclusive.

It reminded me of a common roadblock that I often see women come up against when they are considering stepping out on their own. They often wrestle with thoughts like, “So many people don’t have jobs, shouldn’t I just be grateful for what I have? Am I greedy to want more...more time? more money? more freedom? more flexibility? Isn’t this good enough?”

Truthfully, you are the only one who can answer these questions for yourself.

But I'm here to tell you that if you’re asking these questions, then your inner knowing is very likely calling you to something greater.

In a recent Facebook post, I talked about how it’s OK to want more. It’s OK to want less. You have permission to evolve.

But many of us worry about what this evolution might mean—for our bosses, our romantic partners, our families, our bank accounts, our friendships, established power dynamics, and, and, and.

All of these things are very real fears.

Change is always threatening.

If nothing else, it threatens the status quo and leaves you and everyone else trying to figure out where you and they fit into the new paradigm.

Change occurs when there’s a shift in your worldview and it almost always disrupts the views others have of you.

If you dare to want more and actually go after it, others may think you're not staying in your place. You may challenge others’ sense of dominance. You may rattle someone’s sense of security.

I’m not here to tell you that morphing into the next level of you will be easy. I’m here to say that in spite of the risks and real fears, it’s your only choice if you ever want to quiet that nagging voice inside of you that wants more.

The reality of our work world is that even in the best dream job scenario, women especially are forced to choose between nourishing themselves and growing their careers. And most of us are the kinds of women who don’t just show up at work—we crush it and do so making a fraction of the salary that our less qualified counterparts earn, and our health, relationships and well-being suffer because of it.

This is why I’m so passionate about helping you own your expertise.

It’s not just about work.

Owning your expertise is personal. Conquering self-doubt and getting comfortable with communicating your skills to clients has a spillover effect on your relationships, health and finances. Knowing your worth and unapologetically showing up starts with your career, and then it becomes your method of operation in more and more areas of your life.

Owning your expertise is political. It gives you the option of leaning out of a system that was not designed for you to thrive, opting out of career paradigms that are riddled with inequalities, and leaning into a career of your own making.

Owning your expertise is financial. The majority of full-time freelancers are women, and in most countries freelancers earn more the full-time workers. Women are more likely to be the primary caregivers in a family, and they are increasingly becoming primary breadwinners. When we work and earn on our own terms, we have the potential to make more which makes us able to do more for ourselves, our families and our communities.

Owning your expertise is powerful. Women who work for themselves are often better positioned to champion diversity, whereas doing so within existing organizational structures often carries a hidden penalty. A Harvard Business Review study found that for women of color especially, the emotional labor of championing diversity in the workplace can actually take a professional toll and has even been shown to carry a professional stigma. When you work for yourself, you have the option of subcontracting or hiring consultants and employees in a way that matches your commitments to equity and doesn’t undercut your potential for career progression.

Owning your expertise is inspirational. Visibly leveling up your career can be an act of service that calls out the greatness in others. As Marianne Williamson says, "When we shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Owning your expertise is radical. Many of us face systems that have historically owned our expertise, both figuratively and literally. To take a stand and own your expertise against this historical backdrop and the ongoing constructs that perpetuate inequality is a radical act and an act of self-care. As the inimitable Audre Lorde famously said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

Getting to a place where you're comfortable, confident and competent enough to step out on your own is a journey.

I've been there, and I'm here to help you through it.


 
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Hi, I'm Titilayo Tinubu Ali, Creator of Own Your Expertise, an entrepreneurship and leadership development company that gives women the tools to lean out of unhealthy workplaces and lean into business ownership when they're ready. Learn more about our work.